Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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