my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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