i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
