I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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