Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
