No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
