After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
