So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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