So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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