you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
