i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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