dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
