The maid of honor just puked.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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