Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
