yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
