I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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