what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
