I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
