at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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