Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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