5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
