We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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