Im at strip club and am horny
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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