You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
