im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
