the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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