Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
