dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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