the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
