im about as happy as oj after his trial
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
