He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
jump out the window naked night went bad
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