Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
