White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
