Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
