Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
