So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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