I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
