take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
