ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
