Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
