happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
