I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
