We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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