My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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