Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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