Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
