i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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