I wish I could punch you in the face.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
