Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
