please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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