If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
