grandma shit on top of the toilet
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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