Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
