We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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