If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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