He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
