it's too hot outside to masturbate.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
