All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
