The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
