went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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