i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
